Breastfeeding is such a touchy subject really. Everyone is either very pro breastfeeding and see any other method as wrong or against nature, or they are very defensive of their decision to bottle feed. So I wanted to discuss my side.
OJ was bottle fed
AJ was and still is breastfed.
As long as I can remember I have always known that when I have a baby I will breastfeed it. I can remember as a child playing with my dolls and when it came to "feeding time" where a child might get a toy bottle I would hold it to my chest. I remember seeing my mum breastfeeding my sister. I always thought that is how you fed a child.
I also remember seeing add campaigns on buses and billboards from the nhs pushing breastfeeding as the best option, and thinking I will breastfeed my children.
When I was pregnant with OJ I signed up for all the classes on breastfeeding. I wanted to give my child the best. I wanted their to be a special bond no one else could make with my child.
During my last six weeks of pregnancy I had high blood pressure and I was on labetalol tablets for it, then at three weeks before my due date, we couldn't get my BP under control, it was sky high and I was given the highest dose possible of labetalol and something else and it finally came down. Then I was induced.
After OJ was born, my placenta wouldn't come out, I lost a lot of blood, my BP plummeted to 70/40 and I fainted. So I was rushed to theatre and put under general anaesthetic I was then in theatre for 2 hours and then took a while to come round from the GA. I was drowsy all day.
While I was in theatre, the midwife was monitoring OJ's blood sugar levels, because of the medication I had been on during pregnancy, it meant that he could be born with low blood sugar levels. They monitored this and it was considerably low and he needed a feed so CJ consented to him being bottle fed, which I was happy about - please don't misunderstand this I'm just explaining the situation.
He was then given a few more bottle feeds before I was ready to attempt breastfeeding. I tried throughout my stay in hospital, but I was tired and weary and emotional. He was screaming to be fed so I kept giving in and bottle feeding him.
Then when I got home it was the same, I tried and tried but he just wasnt taking to it. I even had a lovely lady from the Little Angels Breastfeeding Support Group come out to me to see if she could help me. She told me to keep going, that he would get it eventually. She also advised me on different expressing techniques so I could express and give it to him through a bottle.
But after a week, I had become an emotional wreck, I just wanted to know my baby was getting something, some form of nutrition. So I made the decision to give up breastfeeding and just bottle feed. Everyone was supportive of this decision, even my health visitor and midwife, but I found it to be a very hard decision. I cried as I finally agreed to it, but OJ became much happier and more satisfied after feeding time and once I came to terms with it I felt much better for it.
I was able to share the night feeds with CJ, I was able to take a shower or bath while someone else fed him for me. I was able to hand him over to visitors while I had five mins. CJ could take him out for a few hours while I caught up with some sleep. And after a few months he was even able to go to his grandparents for the day so I could have a break.
When I got pregnant with AJ I was adamant I was going to give breastfeeding a better shot, and I wasn't going to give up as easily this time round.
AJ's pregnancy and birth went a lot more smoothly than OJs. I didn't have any issues with my blood pressure. I was induced two weeks early but that was because my waters had broken and nothing else had happened labour-wise for 24hrs. She came pretty fast too, once she had decided she was coming, she came in an hour and twenty minutes. Little madam, I didn't even get chance if any pain relief only gas n air. I hope it's not a sign of what's to come. I want this and I want it know -haha.
She was delivered, I held her, she was weighed and I put her straight on my boob and she latched on straight away no fuss.
I had a couple of worries through the night about how long she was feeding for and if she was getting enough, but I think that's normal new mum worries and as soon as I foundmy rhythm or my favourite breastfeeding position (led down side by side). We were all set.
It took me a while to come to terms with the cluster feeding. In the evening she would be on and off my boob all evening from about 6pm til midnight. I would set myself up on the sofa with my tea, some treats, a drink, the remote, my phone, my iPad and just camp out there til she was done and I could go to bed.
I found it very hard, breastfeeding I found it emotional and physically tiring. I got weepy. I found it hard that it was all down to me to feed her 24/7. If she went out with someone else she couldn't be more than twenty mins away in case she got hungry. I never got more than three hours sleep at one time. I tried expressing but she just didnt take to the bottle or cup at all and screamed if you even attempted it. This would have been ok if she had been my first/only child. I could have slept when she slept or camped out on the sofa all day etc, but I also had a 15 month old to look after, who was very demanding of time and attention and rightly so.
I found it very hard. In fact I found the first 9months of AJ's life quite hard. I wanted to give both children all the love and attention they desired at the same time. I found it hard that when OJ wanted me I was busy feeding AJ or when AJ wanted feeding I was busy cooking OJs tea. I had to make best decisions on who to tend to first, and often felt I was setting one down to see to the other and they knew this and resented it.
It's got a lot easier as they've got older. They still fight for attention, but more so when tired or under the weather.
I've never really had any negative comments about either decision to breast or bottle. Bottle feeding is just accepted now. I never got any comments made about this decision.
But breastfeeding on the other hand I had a mixture of positive and negative. Some people just couldn't understand why i chose to breastfeed. My nana assumed we were poor and had money struggles and couldn't afford formula. She always made comments about breastfeeding is draining my energy and I'm always tired because of that. (No I was tired because I was getting three hours sleep, for various reasons). People at work just said things like "oh I just dont see the point In Breastfeeding" or "nah I like my sleep too much"
But I also got a lot of praise for it, especially when I breastfed in public.
Thank you for taking the time to read my bottle/breastfeeding experience. I would love to hear your experiences. Next time I am going to discuss which I would choose if I was to have another child.
Lots of Love
Vic and Family.
xx
