The Power of Reflection

Last week I applied for a promotion at work. It was a big leap, I knew with a struggle I'd be able to do it I just had to fight my ass of in interview to get it. I ummed and arred for ages about whether of not i should apply for it. I discussed it with my line manager who said she had every faith in me and she would miss me (as it meant changing departments) but she gave me a glowing reference and told me to go for it.

I talked it through with CJ who told me to go for it. It's worth a try and if I dont get it then its not the end of the world. It's not like we need it, as I have a job. I felt silly applying for it, that people would laugh at me for thinking I'd get it. I thought they wouldn't take my application seriously and I wouldn't even get an interview.

Everyone talked me down, said I was being silly for thinking this. CJ helped me fill in my application and write my letter. Then I handed it in. There was no going back, although I did contemplate ringing them up and withdrawing my application.

I heard of one girl getting one of the positions and thinking if she can do it, I certainly can.

Then I got a phone call off the manager bringing me in for an interview. My heart was in my mouth, I did so much preparation I was feeling confident. I was nervous as nervous gets going to the interview but just nerves. I did so much preparation I was feeling confident and even thought I might get it.

Then I got to the interview, which wasnt an interview at all, but basically I'd been called in for them to tell me I hadn't got it, they explained about the nature of the job and thought that by giving it me they would be setting me up to fail. They didnt ask me a single question, apart from how many hours do I do and if I do set days. The rest was talking at me and making me feel small and inadequate. I felt stupid that I'd even applied and a complete idiot for,thinking I was in with a chance.

I was given two options...

1. I could move to a different department, gain experience and knowledge working in the current position I'm in and see where I am in six months time. 

They are currently in the process of rotating staff around departments for skill mix, and this to me felt like it was their way of moving me but making it my decision and under the pretence that it would enhance my experience, but then I'd get nowhere and be on a department I hated. Thinking about this it felt like they were setting me up here. Knowing I wouldn't like it on that department and that I would request to leave and therefore sabotaging my chances.

2. I could stay were I am and if a more senior role came up in my department then I would be considered for it. They would put me through for some training and I would work with the senior staff to develop my skills. 

I went home, I phoned CJ and told him the short version, that I hadn't got the job and they hadn't even interviewed me for it. Then I went home and climbed into bed with my piece of paper they'd given me with my options, I curled up under the duvet and I have to admit I burst I to tears. Just because I felt stupid for getting my hopes up and thinking I could do it, when obviously they think I can't. They obviously think of me as a measly part time worker who comes in gets the job done and goes home. A minion. I'm just a number to them. They don't deal with me day to day and don't know what I am capable of.

I went into work today and discussed it with my line manager, I told her what was said and she said she would work with me to train me up and develop my knowledge and skills so that when and if a position does come up in our department I'll be ready for it.

I gave it some thought and decided on the staying put option. I like my department and I like the people.. I told the manager my decision and let her know that I'm serious about wanting to be considered for the position when one becomes available., I've also discussed it with CJ and decided that if the position passes me by again, I will be looking else where for a job.

Anyway I'm supping my sleepy time tea and chilling out before bed.

Looking forward to seeing my babies in the morning.

At least I know there is one job I am good at.

Being a mummy.

Lots of love VJ and Family 

xx

Sibling Rivalry

My children, they look like butter wouldn't melt. They look so sweet and angelic..

...and then they wake up.

There are the odd times when they get on, they play together. They laugh together. This is rare!!! Most of the time they tolerate each other, barely giving each other a passing thought until one of them gets a toy that the other one wants and all hell breaks loose. Fighting, screaming, crying, tantruming,  pushing, hair pulling the works. Then there are the times they full on hate each other, this usually occurs when either one or both are tired, cranky or poorly. 

If one is getting attention, then the other wants attention but they both want undivided attention, at the same time. If one is on mummy's knee and the other wants to come up on mummy's knee, they push shove and kick the other out the way to get to me and to be the only one there.

If I make a drink and hand one to one the other will whinge til they get there's. Even if they can see it in my hand ready to give to them.

Which ever cup I give to OJ is the wrong cup. He wants the one AJ is gona get. If I give him the pink one, he wants the blue one. If I give him the blue one he wants the pink one. 

Same with food, if I give him one plate he wants the one that's being given to AJ. Doesn't matter that it exactly the same down to the number of peas. He wants AJ's. AJ must be getting the better deal.

AJ was bought a doll for her birthday, OJ wanted to play with it first to see if it is any better than his toys before he'll "let her" play with it.

They are two and one, this sibling rivalry can only get worse in my view, I just hope it lets up once in a while and they can actually get one and play together from time to time.

Neither gets any special treatment, or more attention than the other, they are treated the same but what the other gets, always seems better.